


Things I Didn't Want to Know

by allfireburns



Category: Chess - Rice/Ulvaeus/Andersson
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, Gen, Introspection, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-05
Updated: 2010-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allfireburns/pseuds/allfireburns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Florence never told anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things I Didn't Want to Know

**i. freddie**  
Towards the end, she wanted him to yell at her.  
She wanted him to scream and rant and lay all the blame on her, even throw those petty insults that left her crying as soon as he was out of sight and earshot. She wanted to fight with him, because maybe if they fought, he'd finally give her a reason to hate him. One of those barbs was bound to kill what was left of her love for him, sooner or later.  
Somehow, it never quite worked, and that was what she was angriest at him for. Not that he made her miserable for the last few years of their relationship, but that he wouldn't let her hate him for it, however she tried.

**ii. anatoly**  
After Merano, she went with Anatoly because she was scared of being alone.  
She did fall in love with him, of course, but her decision wasn't based on love, it was based on fear. If she offered him a place to go, asked Walter to help ease his way in defecting, he'd stay with her, and she wouldn't have to be alone.  
Seven years was a long time to stay with someone, and after that, the prospect of sleeping without someone else in the bed was terrifying.

**iii. svetlana**  
Despite everything, she envied Svetlana.  
Yes, she had lost her husband, not just when he defected but much sooner. Yes, she was alone. But at least for Svetlana, she _knew_ Anatoly didn't love her, and she knew that he wasn't the man she loved. At least for Svetlana, the feelings were gone. Florence couldn't ever imagine that she could manage so clean a break. With Freddie, the break had torn her open, left parts of her heart behind, and she knew that when it happened with Anatoly – because she couldn't bring herself to believe it wouldn't – it would be even worse.

**iv. walter**  
Walter's betrayal hurt more than anything else.  
Losing her father the first time was a distant memory, painful, but a childhood memory that had dulled over the years so she hardly noticed it anymore. Losing Freddie hurt, but she had seen it coming a long way off. Losing Anatoly she could have seen from the moment she fell in love with him, and she'd lost him _because_ he loved her.  
Walter's betrayal took from her the one last thing she had to hope for, the one last thing she had to care about. Walter's betrayal turned him from a friend to a bloody Judas. Walter's betrayal left her alone in the world, when she'd been fighting against that all year.

**v. herself**  
She really doesn't know what she's doing.  
She'd learned a long time ago to pretend, to make it appear she had everything under control, but after a while, there's really no one left to fool except herself.  
Seven years of abandoning her dreams for Freddie's sake. One year of following foolish dreams that can't ever come true. And she's right back where she started, nothing but a scared child.


End file.
